Sober Sex and Being Present in the Moment

By June 25, 2021Recovery
holding hands

Sex is many things to many people. You can find pleasure, guilt, or comfort in being intimate. Societal taboos around sex can inhibit you from talking with others about likes, dislikes, and normalizing sex.

How do you start a conversation about sex? There isn’t a right or wrong way to talk with others about their experiences. When you open up to others, ask questions, or do an inventory of your sexual habits, you can begin to explore what sex is for you.

Sex and Socializing

Drinking or using a drug is often an accepted part of socializing. Nights spent out with friends can consist of alcohol or a drug like marijuana. A drink or a hit is okay, right? These substances aren’t harmful—at least that’s what you tell yourself. You’re using them because they help make the night fun, you lose your inhibitions, or you rely on them to make sex feel good.

The False Confidence of Substances

Substances are, in this case, a social lubricant. They are also a way to increase your risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancy, assault, or regret. You may know the dangers but use them anyway because you think they help you in social situations.

Substances may make it easier to approach the person who catches your eye or you’re interested in at the moment. Maybe you think they make you funnier. When you feel the substance running through your veins, you might also feel more confident.

Making Unhealthy Decisions

Substances dull your capacity to make sound decisions, and you may wake up the following day and regret your choice. You may wonder if you had safe sex, where you are, or who the person is lying next to you. When you put that all together, you can wish you could take it back the night before.

Sex without regret is possible.  Alcohol or drugs are a common forerunner to physical intimacy. However, authentic intimacy with a person means stripping away chemicals, feeling vulnerable, and being present in the moment. Instead of being self-conscious about your cellulite, how you kiss or look naked, you are there, experiencing an unfiltered connection without the influence of substances.

Sober Sex

When you have sober sex, you begin a new way to feel and appreciate your sex life. Yes, you can feel vulnerable because you no longer rely on a substance to approach people or talk to them. You are aware of being naked and can let yourself worry about what they think of your body; let those thoughts go. You are perfect because you are unique.

At first, having sex without substances might feel foreign to those in recovery. How do you approach sex without substances? Sex without substances might feel awkward, incredible, or incomprehensible. When you are substance-free, you feel everything, and you are aware of what is happening. You can worry about how you look, the sounds you make, or if you’re good—just let it go. Focus on the present moment, tune into your body.

How to Have Sensational Sex

Sensational sex is sex that focuses on your senses. Substance-free sex is all about paying attention to how you feel or react to sensations. Let go of the conversation you are having with yourself while you are having sex. Those thoughts and worries can only inhibit your chance of feeling everything. Instead, focus your attention on your and your partner’s feelings.

Foreplay

Sober sex requires you to rethink how you get into bed. Substances are a poor way to increase your sexual interactions. Your senses are what make sex memorable. Experiment with different ways to get into the mood. Here’s a guide to making foreplay interesting for you and your partner:

Savor the Moment

Savoring a taste, touch, or smell is essential to becoming enveloped at the moment. Slow down and treat yourself.

  • Taste: Think about how you take the time to enjoy your favorite food. Do the same while exploring a person’s body. Savor how they taste like you would your favorite food. Let it melt in and take over.
  • Touch: The sensation of touch is a chance to acquaint yourself with the different textures. Stop, let your fingers feel, or let yourself experience how being touched feels.
  • Smell: Your skin, perfume, or cologne is your scent. Everyone has their scent; soak in your partner’s scent.

Focus

If you find your thoughts begin to wander during sex, use the techniques you learned in meditation to return to the sensations.

Breathwork or meditation teaches you to focus and let go of outside influences. When you practice meditation, you learn how to create inner peace. A few ways to meditate are:

  • Find a comfortable position. You can sit upright, leaning against an object, or lie down. A quiet, calm, relaxing place is essential to your practice.
  • Choose how long you want to meditate. You may not think you have time to meditate. You do. Whether it’s five, 10, 15, or more minutes, you are in control of the amount of time you want to meditate.
  • Know yourself. Know how your body feels and how it is responding to your practice. Learn to accept what your body is saying.

Meditation is not a panacea, but it is a way to return your attention to the present.

Sex is natural. Allow yourself the time to find your comfort point and focus when you have sober sex. Remember, there isn’t a right way or a wrong way to have sex. Keep experimenting and learn to find your version of sensation and mindfulness.

The decision to become sober is an essential step towards understanding yourself. Sobriety is a chance to free yourself of guilt, blame, or feelings of self-doubt. Life without substances is a way to be creative, feel without being dull, or break free from the confines of substances. Sexual expression includes experimenting with expression and styles. Opening yourself up to your senses, how the other person responds, or learning how to stay mindful is an outlet for your creativity. Intimacy is an art, one you define and express. Substances rob you of your ability to imagine desire and satisfaction. When you are ready to reconnect with your inner peace, creativity, or senses, consider beginning your journey with Alta Centers. At Alta Centers, we lead you through the detoxification process and start you on your path to recovery. We are in a private, comfortable location in  Los Angeles. Call us for more information at (888) 202-2583.

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